When The Med's Ain't Working

If medicine was a science, they wouldn't call it practicing now would they? 

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 3 Now the Doctor was more crafty than any of the Medicine Men the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not take from any pharmacy in the world’?”

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may take medicine from the trees and the garden,3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat medicine from the pharmacies, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

4 “You will not certainly die,” the Doctor said to the woman.5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Damn the devil to hell!  

And before we get into this, why does this problem have to be the women's fault? I've noticed it's mostly guys who are prone to do dumb stuff when people tell them not to (Amma Right!?)

Ok, so, I parodied the book of Genesis to reflect how I feel right now. Today was a shit show!  

I woke up and started rapid cycling like a mother fucker. I was laughing and joking... with my dogs (it's normal dammit!) and then I was crying. You want to know about what? Yeah, get in line. I have no idea.

The worst part about it all was the fact that it just kept happening. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth... ANNOYED!? Yeah, imagine living that sentence instead of just reading it. 

When I discovered Lithium it changed. My. Life. Judging my past actions and ideas from being level for the first time ever was eye opening.

I want you to imagine walking around, everyday with ear plugs in. Those cheap ones, not the good ones. You can hear sounds, but you can't fully comprehend them. Then one day, you take them out and realize what sound ACTUALLY sounds like. Now imagine that being every single sense in your mind. Yeah, it was like that.  

So when my new psychiatrist changed my meds, I was weary. He kept me on Lithium and added a whole new cocktail! WHEW! Party in my head and all the me's invited! 

About a week and a half ago, I started noticing the old patterns. I didn't need much sleep. My irritation and rage was back.

I was manic. Manic. I know. And I felt more bipolar than before...!  (Sing it like Michael Sembello) 

The difference being, I had new coping mechanisms to keep my mind moving forward. That keeps the external working right, but you know what it doesn't do? It doesn't keep the shit in your head level.  

So I guess i'm using this as a rant. I don't know what the point is. I'm going to start doubling down on my meds tonight. Maybe it will make me feel like a zombie like it did when I first started this new round of medication. 

Or... maybe when I enter the Sacred Sweat Lodge this weekend Wakan Tanka will deliver me from this pharmaceutical bullshit and teach me how to treat myself... and maybe others in the future.